


I hate football.

by FeliciaAmelloides



Series: A Oneshot a Day... [124]
Category: nonfandom
Genre: Crack-ish, Football, Gen, George Devalier, Rant?, Unknown narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 19:37:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14527707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeliciaAmelloides/pseuds/FeliciaAmelloides
Summary: A rant by the narrator about their hatred of a sport called football.





	I hate football.

**Author's Note:**

> I personally don’t really mind football, although some things in the following rant are my view (aka the Premier League’s salaries compared to those of the NHS), while others are kinda not.
> 
> Actually I really don’t like rugby. Is American football like rugby? The balls and pitch look similar. Lots of people get injured and at the end of a match the players are often covered in mud and blood, with some even having broken bones due to the violence of the sport. Football’s okay I guess. Especially by comparison.

Most kids play football.

Not me.

I am... someone. I hate... football.

Football is a lot of different things. It depends on where you are. Where I am, it involves a lot of screaming and mud flying everywhere while people try to kick each other with spiky boots. Elsewhere, it’s basically rugby but with ridiculous uniforms.

People who play football are so.. aggressive. Seriously guys. It’s a BALL. You touch it with your FEET. How the hell do professional ball kickers get paid millions while nurses, fire fighters and the police get paid so much less? Is kicking a ball around really more important than saving lives? Apparently so.

Also footballs used to be pig’s bladders. Just sayin’ boi. That ball people are always making out with in fanfiction? That’s where a pig’s urine used to be stored. Now it’s a hexagonal testicle. Or, y’know, a RUGBY BALL.

Now then. Random bullshit over, I guess I do have something good to say about footballs.

Although it’s nothing I’ve said of course. Actually, a wise person once told me this:

_“Ludwig, wouldn't it be wonderful if instead of all this fighting we could just play soccer? Imagine, Germany and Italy and England could all have a soccer team instead of an army, and we could just play games to find out who wins, and then you wouldn't have to go off and shoot people. Ludwig, why can't we do that?"_

Well, that was actually Feliciano talking to Ludwig, but George Devalier taught me that. And if I had to choose between war and football, well...

I’d choose the pig’s bladder any day.

**Author's Note:**

> I love George Devalier. The thing about pig’s bladders is true, but it’s common knowledge for those of us who have seen the children’s show ‘Horrible Histories’ (okay, not many people...), so you might have already known that.
> 
> I’m still immature enough that the words ‘balls’ and ‘come’ make me laugh and try to make innuendos about them.
> 
> Prompt- Making fun of footballs.
> 
> I ranted about the sport rather than the ball, but I tried to talk about the ball too. Again, most of those opinions aren’t really mine. I’m the sort of person who doesn’t care about sport whatsoever if I’m honest... I’m asthmatic, so running around isn’t something I really do unless I have to. 
> 
> Original Number- 180.


End file.
